Random Thoughts

Today I wore my favorite jeans from before I had Abby Grace for the first time since I had Abby Grace.  Yay!!! I am stills struggling to lose weight, but I took a little break and am feeling much better about proceeding now.  I didn't break because I wanted to, but I had some school work and an ear infection that left me without the will power to work at one more thing. 

I am back in school for the fall.  The first eight weeks I am taking 3 classes!  I must be crazy to do this, but the more I take the faster it will be over! 

Today was a beautiful day!  In the 70's most of the day, blue skies, slight breeze.  You couldn't ask for a prettier day.

Recently we started attending my childhood church again and I love being back there.  I love that the people who loved and supported me through my awkward teenage years still love me in my awkward grown-up years and that I can now appreciate that and that my daughter is learning the same love from these people.  I also love that we are meeting new people.  I still feel like I am in that weird I know your name and I see your Facebook posts', but I really don't know what to talk to you about, so lets just sing louder.  It's hard to come into a tight knit group and "fit."  I understand that this will take time, but I look forward to the friendship that is to come instead of trying to force it today. 

Our new pastor, of 4 weeks now, preached about being a servant in church this Sunday.  I love this lesson.  I think that if more people thought this way we would see changes in our everyday life that we couldn't imagine.  Little things that seem insignificant now, but in the end would make life so pleasant.  I think the biggest example of this in my life was when I worked as a server in a restaurant.  I always tried to literally serve those people to the best of my ability because it was not only my job to bring their food and drink, but it was my job to determine their entire experience in that establishment.

When I was in the third grade I stayed after church one day to help a woman named Beth Rhoads, my Sunday school teacher at the time, organize an area.  I remember it having a lot of books, but I don't think it was the library, maybe a children's play area.  Anyways, my dad came to pick me up and Mrs. Rhoads let him know I had been such a good helper and asked if I was this helpful at home.  Daddy responded that I wasn't always the best helper, being truthful, and Mrs. Rhoads looked at me and kindly said, "until you learn to serve at home you will never be able to serve anywhere else the way you should."  I was impacted.  I wanted to help people outside of my house, I just didn't want to set the table or wash the dishes.  I don't know that I changed my actions at that moment, but I remember shortly after that seeing a video by Psalty the Singing Song Book that had a song (sang by a girl wearing red overhauls and a purple shirt, worst color combo ever!)  that stated, "if you want to be great in God's kingdom you have to learn to be the servant of all."

I know Psalty can be a little creepy, but I can still hum the tune of this song in my head today.  I am so glad that we heard this lesson from Matthew 20:26.  Imagine if we were all the servant of all in our lives in and outside the church.  No one would ever want for a teacher, an actor, a singer, a musician, a prayer partner, or a friend.  Filling a role God has selected you to play is a small step in being a great servant.  Look at those around you and ask yourself the same question you get asked every time you sit down at your favorite restaurant, "How may I serve you today?

The Path Less Taken....

So, I began a journey on May 15th that I haven't really shared with a lot of people.  I figure most will notice in time and if you are close to me you have already noticed and are encouraging me as I go.  This girl is going to lose 100lbs if it kills me.  Today I am officially at the 19lb mark and I feel great!  I am so excited to continue this journey and cannot wait to be my old self again.

 

It may sound wrong to say my old self, but when I was 20 I weighed in at a whopping 120lbs soaking wet.  Now days, well, its a little more.  One day I may be willing to share how much, but for today that's between me and the big man.  On May 4, 2013 I woke up a college graduate (I graduated the 3rd), unemployed, and ready to host the best Tinkerbelle birthday party ever!  I also weighed more than I had ever weighed in my entire life and didn't see a problem with having a couple of cupcakes prior to everyone arriving.  The worst part is I have the knowledge to beat this thing, I just have been too lazy to even attempt to try and tackle the issue. Lets start with college...

 

In 2001 I graduated high school and headed straight for Young Harris College.  At that time I had been informed that I had border line hyperthyroidism, the kind that can cause you to lose weight.  I was living life, eating what I wanted and never gaining a pound.  By 2004 I had started to see the weight coming on and weighed around 197lbs.  I was able to maintain that weight for several years, but then I found a job I really liked...in a Country Club with a fabulous chef.  Around this time I started to really put on the pounds making my way up to 231lbs and learned that I had hypothyroidism and was at extreme risk for diabetes.  I managed my issues with medication and didn't even begin to understand the implications of what could happen if I didn't take action.

 

In 2006 I went to a real OB/GYN for the first time in my life, I know its a little late, but I had issues with doctors looking at my lady parts.  Anyways, at that time I had already been diagnosed with hypothyroidism and I learned I had PCOS, poly cystic ovary syndrome, which is also a known risk factor for diabetes and weight gain.  I learned with an A1C blood level is and in my mind had every intention of beating this thing.  Alas, life got in the way. 

 

I decided I wanted to have a baby in 2009, weighing in at 251lbs by then, and by 2010 was frustrated, but my OB/GYN assured me it was possible in 2009 so it had to happen, right?  In March 2010, or there about, Matt and I went to the OB and got the news that it was likely we would never have children, but there were options.  I opted for drugs.  I took Metformin 3 times per day for 4 months and now we have Abby Grace.  It sounds super simple, but if you have ever read the side effects of this drug, know that they are true and you should buy extra toilet paper, you will need it.  I went in for the regular 7 week check up at 4 weeks and was told to not get too excited because of the chances I would miscarry. However, a fabulous side effect of this drug is that prior to taking it you have a 58% chance of a miscarriage, while taking it that is reduced to 11%.  I read that on the internet so it might not be true, but I remember it being a reliable source, like maybe the drug information page??? Also, not an easy thing, I spent the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy looking for any sign of a miscarriage every time I went to the restroom.  A slight cramp caused a serious midnight melt down at about week 11.  I have continued to take metformin in efforts to continue ovulating on the chance that we do decide to have another baby at some time.

 

In March this year I had some pretty scary issues, or what we thought we issues with my thyroid.  I went in for a sore throat and was told at the local quick care that my thyroid was swollen and pressing on my wind pipe and that was why my throat hurt and I was having difficulty swallowing.  I immediately scheduled a visit with my endocrinologist and went for an ultra-sound of my thyroid.  Turns out this must have been the little guy giving it all it was worth because when they did the ultrasound it was the size of a raisin and is essentially gone at this point.  I will have to continue to take replacement therapy for the rest of my life, but at least it is regulated now instead of surging all the time.

 

A common misconception is that if you have hypothyroidism you are fat, not true.  My endo studied at a lot of fancy schools and has worked at the Mayo Clinic, I trust her.  On my first visit with her I asked if this was what made me fat and she informed me that unless my levels were over 30 and had been for some time that this was not likely the cause of the weight gain, however with PCOS it was contributing factor.  A normal patients level, or mine anyways, should be between .3 and 3.  I am currently at .064 thanks to losing almost 20lbs, but have altered my dose and will have labs redrawn in 6 weeks. 

 

Back to my journey, so I am just going to tell you, I weighed 271lbs when I started this thing and today I was 252.8.  I am so excited.  I have been walking, taking personal training classes and Jazzercising while counting my caloric intake using www.myfitnesspal.com, a free calorie counter program.  I also just got a polar heart monitor to make sure I am always in the fat burning range!

 

I eat about 1400 calories per day, sometimes more if I worked really hard that day, but the calorie counter keeps up with net calories so you can see what it takes to maintain a 2lb per week loss if you want to hold to that.  Right now I am estimated to weight 233.8lbs in 5 weeks according to the counter!! So exciting. 

 

I hope that by sharing I can help someone out there to know that they too can do this. I  haven't been successful yet, but I know in my heart that I can do this.  I went to the doctor Friday and he assured me that I was doing great and that should I stall that I could meet with him to figure out what changes I needed to make to jump start my loss again.  He also told me my A1C, average blood sugar over three months, was down to a 5.8!!!  When I started it was at almost 13.  I am so excited.  I wake up everyday ready to conquer and I am teaching my daughter to take care of herself in the long-term.

Bad Days Aren't All Bad/21 Months

I haven't bragged on my little smarty pants lately.  This kid, I tell ya.  She has to be the smartest kid in the world.  As of late we are using 3 word phrases such as "me do it" and "no, mine mama".  Fun little phrases that keep you on your toes.  And let me tell you, Abby Grace is a coloring machine if it has a point and will mark on paper she is drawing with.  I caught her drawing a lovely picture in my rented Capstone text book yesterday, yay!  Gotta love how she knew that was the only book I rented this semester. 

 
Speaking of books and Capstone, this is my last semester!!! I will graduate with my BA with an accounting concentration in May.  I am super excited, but am also considering going ahead and getting my masters while I am already in the habit of studying and test taking.

I was starting to worry about AG and lego's a while back.  One of the milestones a few months ago was being able to stack at least 3 blocks, well Abby Grace knew that they could be stacked, but she wanted nothing to do with blocks other than to knock over what someone else was building, until recently that is.  Saturday she brought me a 20 block structure that she declared "prippy" before destroying it.  (***Disclaimer***I know every child is different, but we have soared through milestones and we totally missed this one, I do not freak out about these things.)

We do a lot of cooking together, mainly because she chants "pancakes mama" or "beans" every time she wakes up or feels a hunger pain, thankfully we are getting really good at adding fruit and other goodies to our pancakes to help with the bland, carb filled, piece of goodness they are and she will eat pretty much any bean and rice combo you give her. 

My favorite thing that this little bitty does right now is try and change her own diaper, it is hilarious to watch her try and position it just right to sit down on.  She hasn't managed to catch one yet, but we are working on potty training!!

Just to brag a little more...Abby can also count to 10, recognize a square, circle, triangle, star, and diamond, we are working on rectangles, and sing the first 4 letters of the ABC song.  She recognizes an A, but no other letter, all the other letters are E's when you ask her.  Abby will choose the right color if you ask her to, but if you ask her the name of the color everything is "geen" or "bu".

I taught my daughter something the other day that I didn't realize she didn't know.  Saturday morning I snatched open the kitchen curtains and declared that it was "sunshine time".  Abby has been talking about sunshine all week.  I love the bright light that comes through our back door and now my little bitty is loving it too.  My favorite part about these doors is that they are right where I stand to fold laundry so the floor is warm on cold days while I stand there. :)

I am so excited for Abby's 2nd Birthday!!!  I think we are going to have a Dora (Dorry) ice cream party.  A recently watched episode with ice cream hill is our inspiration for now...have you seen how people make cute ice cream cone cupcakes by turning the cone upside down on the frosting?  Too cute.

I am blogging to distract myself right now so I am sorry if this seems random.  I had a bad day.  I missed a step in one problem on my advanced accounting test and completely missed another problem, there were only 4 so that's kind of a big deal for my grade.  I stopped by work and was told that in 4-6 weeks we will be downsizing.  And last, but not least I received the diagnosis of enlarged thyroid and was sent for a prompt ultrasound. 

Yesterday I went to my NP because my throat was so tight I just knew I had an infection of some sort.  I had been feeling this way since Monday, but didn't think anything about it because I have constant sinus issues. Well, by yesterday, Wednesday, I would rather mop my drool than swallow and it was difficult to turn my head.  My neck was also very tender to the touch.  I actually had to think about swallowing to be able to do it, scary right? 

When I got to the NP my blood pressure was slightly elevated and my resting (10 minutes sitting still) heart rate was 106!!  A little high.  I was examined and swabbed for strep.  The NP returned and let me know that I was fine other than she was pretty sure that the problem was my thyroid.  Her prediction was that my thyroid was so swollen that it was pressing on my airway and causing me to have difficulty swallowing. I already had an OB appointment today for my thyroid, so I wasn't too worried about follow-up.

 I took some ibuprofen for the swelling and was immediately able to eat my lunch without struggle.  I started to freak out a little bit, so Dr. Google and I made an appointment to read about this issue and  I went to my OB today.  He listened to my page long list of issues and diagnosed me with enlarged thyroid and sent me for an ultrasound and more blood work.  That is scary business.  Who knows whats going on in that little blurry picture that the woman is measuring and clicking on all while silently eye balling you.  Never racking!!! 

So, now I wait.  I have a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks.  Please say prayers that everything is fine and my thyroid can be helped with steroids.  I talked to a Dr. friend tonight and he said that because my airway was affected that they may have to remove it, but that may not be the case.  I have had issues with hypothyroidism for years, I think I was diagnosed 6 years ago, but should have had treatment much earlier.  Since having Abby Grace my levels have been uncontrolled, needing lab draws and dose changes every 6 weeks so I knew something was wrong.  Waiting and waiting...

As for a job, I feel a weird sense of ok-ness about that.  I don't know what the answer will be, but I have some good letters of recommendations from my current boss and professors and I am excited to do something new that I wouldn't have left my job to do otherwise.  However, this does affect my health insurance, again pray for no serious problems with my thyroid. 

I am excited to have some good leads, via professors and friends, that I can follow-up on next week.  It is all still a little stinging and fresh right now.  I feel for my boss, she has worked so hard to now have to downsize.  She is one of the hardest working people I have ever met and I admire her determination. 

And my last contributing factor to this bad day...the advanced accounting test, well let me tell you, when you are liquidating a company, and working on a distribution schedule, you should make final distributions prior to recognizing withdrawals by the partners.  Lesson learned.  The other problem I missed, well, I wasn't the only lost student.  I got a call from a friend later and as he said "screw it" I don't know how to do that one.  I think that is fitting.  I had no clue and did what I could.

I finished out my day at the March of Dimes kick-off for 2013.  It made my day much better to be 60+ people who are excited to raise money for a wonderful cause.  I love working on the committee and helping the community realize just how much each and every baby benefits from the MOD.

Now that I have finished my long drawn out ramblings for the night I do feel much better.  I haven't cried all day and I need a place to put all this. I am good now, I am focused on finding a new opportunity for myself.  I will better myself through this opportunity. 

**This post was not written to gain pity, just to get my feelings out.

***Odd thought, I just felt the urge to sign my post LYLAS.  What grade am I in?  Must be about 4th.

15 weeks and counting....

Well, we have had a long week.  Abby Grace has started fighting sleep and this makes everyone miserable when it's time for bed.  However...she has started sitting up on her own a good bit and smiling like crazy, especially when you sing silly songs to her.  Her favorite is the song about Annabelle going blub, blub, blub in the bathtub from Camp Pinnacle.  She now recognizes the names nana, nesie, papa, and daddy.  When you say these names she beams.


***Another draft, geez what happened!!!"

Week 16

Abby Grace went on her first boat ride today!  She loved it and had so much fun she went right to sleep afterwards!  I love that Matt's finger is in the corner of the photo...it makes it a family portrait.  Just kidding.

***Found this one in drafts too!***

13 months

I have 4 followers!! 4...in January I only had 3.  I don't really know how I gained 1 follower since then because I haven't posted, but thank you.  I am really bad at this.  I think about blogging and then I decide to sleep or play outside or something else way more fun that being on the computer. 

I started this blog to keep folks up-to-date on my sweet little tato.  (pronounced like the last part of potato)  She is 13 months old now and a blast!  We are having so much fun already and isn't even officially summer yet.  Since I got out of school in mid-April (and don't have to go back until August, for only 8 more classes!!!!!) we have been staying pretty busy.  We've had Abby Grace's first birthday party, been to two weddings, had strepthroat and herpangina, are getting two incisors, have been to the "beach" at Lake Hartwell with cousin Layla, went to the awesome Mountain Laurel Festival, and so much more.

I am going to hit on a few of these items right off.  First and fore most, Abby Grace said  Mama for the first time last Saturday morning.  I was so proud.  Since my last post Abby Grace has grown a good bit.  She is now 22.6lbs and tall enough to reach the top of the kitchen and bathroom counters, unfortunately.  She is in to everything, but understands what "put that back where you got it" means, thankfully.  She does not understand the word "no".  "No" essintially means keep doing what you are doing and run away from any adult as fast as you can.  How fun!  Abby Grace as you may notice from my 11 posts in 1 year (that's almost 1 a month, except most of them were right in the beginning :)) stays sick a good bit of the time.  We watch her for any little symptom at this point, but for some reason, despite breast feeding, an awesome diet, and other factors she still is a human sponge for germs.  Her latest germ was herpangina.  A virus much like hand, foot, and mouth that causes white patches in the mouth and high fever.  She didn't eat or drink for about 3 days and we almost had to go to the hospital, but she gave it up and took a sippy cup full of gatorade right after we left the doctor's office and being told she HAD to go to the bathroom again before bedtime. 

We are all better now, but still on antibiotics after round of strep throat this week.  We both had it, yay!  On to more exciting things.  Abby Grace LOVES the water.  She plays in the sprinkler and we recently invested $11 in a kiddy pool for the front yard.  It's a big hit and helps us to stay out of the house on the weekend when Matt needs his beauty sleep.  Abby Grace also got a new sand box for her birthday and that keeps her pretty busy.  At our 1 year check-up the Dr. reminded me again how smart she is and how hard I am going to have to work to keep her stimulated.  Currently we are working on colors and shapes, however she is much more intersted in running away with whatever I am using as an example and hiding it than she is in picking out the "red one".  She can show you her nose or your nose, but will not point to the mouth, noses are just way to distracting I guess.    The game we play most often is putting one object into another object and putting the lid on containers. 

I am going to stop boring you with details and get on to the fun part now...pictures! 

At Abby Grace's 1st Birthday Party with Layla and Kasidee

Eating Cake at her 1st Birthday

 

***I just found this in drafts (8/23/2012).  I think I stopped working on it b/c the pictures were making me so mad. ***

I kind of suck at blogging...

but, I am really going to make an effort to do better.  I have completed a lot of really cool projects over the summer and I am planning to share about those.  I also need to do better about keeping up with my Abby Grace, or Abby Kadabby as she now refers to herself. 

This kid blows my mind.  She is so smart!  At her 15 month check-up the doctor was most impressed that she feeds herself with a fork or spoon.  Since she has been walking for a good long while now we are into things like: learning to jump, "poo" pool time, swinging is a daily must, jumping on beds, and lots of other fun activities.  She also has more words than any child her age should.  She refers to everyone in our family by their name, except for the aunts and uncles, we haven't gotten those yet, but she did call her Aunt Caitlin "Cait" this morning so that's progress.  She does however know: mama, daddy, matt (oops on my part!), nana, papa, and nissie.  Other words we use on a regular basis are:
- teetee (potty training!)
- poo, shoooo! (said while shaking her head at the terrible smell)
- woof woof (dog)
- mow mow (cat)
- oooooo (cow)
- eat eat
- nack (snack)
- wawa
- dink (drink)
- me me (milk)
- baby
- car
- go
- Melmo (elmo)
- Mimmey (refers to Mickey or Minnie Mouse)
- oes (shoes)
- nana (her favorite blanket...it's odd to me that this is what she calls it ??)
- nigh nigh (night night)
- ook (books)

There are lots more, but it is late and I am tired.  I made a video of her saying most all of these last weekend.  She also identifies all of her body parts in it.  Sooo stinking cute, but Matt is a little offended that when she pokes him in the chest she says "boobies". 

My absolute favorite thing she does right now is call herself Abbykadabby, as in the little pink and purple girl off of sesame street.  The best part is that she is in no way confused about who she is referring to as she points to herself while she says it.  (This mostly occurs in a situation as follows, "nack?  A-A-Abbykadabby?"  Hilarious!

What is the rest of our family up to you ask?  Well, Daddy works 3-5 days a week (40-72hrs) depending on the week, so Mommy and Abby Grace spend a lot of time together when they can.  Mommy works all week doing lots of interesting things at the office and is taking three classes this semester: cost accounting, auditing and entrepreneurship.  I really am going to enjoy auditing.  I love getting down to the nitty gritty of things!

Well that's all for tonight. I promise to do better, I have a little better grip on life now than I did last year so hopefully I can stick to it this time.  I have also decided that I am going to start sharing my projects and other things that interest me on here outside of Abby Grace. She is my little love, but I can only write so much about how cute she is before everyone gets bored.  ♥ Cassie

These are her 1 year pics, but since I haven't blogged in 7 months...